Abuse

In regards to spousal abuse, it is important to know that it occurs in families of every racial, socioeconomic, and religious background.

Once it happens, spousal abuse is reinforcing, thus it is highly likely that there will be a repeat occurrence.

There are many factors which contribute to the development of an abusive pattern. It is likely that the abusive person experienced or witnessed violence in his or her own childhood environment.

Common characteristics one may see in an abusive individual include:

• Lack of assertiveness
• Immaturity
• Dependence
• Feelings of inadequacy.

The abusive behavior is used to humiliate the victim so as to temporarily increase the abuser’s own sense of power and self-esteem.

Oftentimes the victims of abuse feel responsible in some way. Frequently the abuser is someone within the family, so, along with the pain and anger towards that person, there is a strong desire to protect him or her.

Ideas about who God is and why He would allow such a thing to happen confuse the victim of abuse even more.

Creating safe relationships with others may seem impossible for one who has experienced abuse because the people that were meant to love him or her the most have betrayed their trust. The abused person, having internalized the abuse, thinking that it was caused by some fault of their own, has little confidence in their ability to enter into a new relationship with others. Lacking a strong sense of self-worth and self respect, the abuse victim can remain in abusive situations and thus deepen the cycle of feeling powerless.

• It is important to refer to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist who is experienced in working with abuse victims.
• It is specifically important to refer when the sexual or physical abuse has occurred recently.
• If you are working with a person who has been abused and you find that, over time, they are remaining in a defensive position, it is important not to force this person to change their stance but to introduce the option and advantage of entering therapy so that he or she does not remain a victim to the pain and anger that the abuse has provoked.
• Refer if you notice an increasing sense of hopelessness.
• Refer if your counselee is increasingly depressed or suicidal.