Anger

Anger is often overlooked or smoothed over in Christian circles, yet it is an important tool we can use to discover the parts of our souls/selves which long for protection and healing.

Exploding (or imploding) with anger is a quick way to get people to back off; yet, it does not solve the deeper problem. When anger is turned inward (implosion) it appears in the form of constant guilt or depression.

Whether the person is imploding or exploding in reaction to their anger, the focus is shifted—away from the internal emotional vulnerability where the root of the source of pain resides—to the consequences of the anger (broken dishes, holes in walls, yelling, ulcers, or constant guilt).

In other words, many of us, though we try and try to stop being so angry all of the time, completely ignore what our anger is wanting to communicate to us and teach us. It is as if we are ignoring our brain’s message to remove our hand from a hot stove. We keep telling ourselves not to feel the burn or react to the burning sensation, when, if we listen, we can learn to remove ourselves from the hot stove, or at least recognize that the stove is hot!

The scriptures remind us, “In your anger, do not sin…do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” (Ephesians 4:26) Our anger is telling us that we sense that a boundary is being over-stepped in our past. Through the process of forgiveness, and through clear boundary setting, understanding that you are worth protecting, you can begin to release life-long anger and long-held grudges.

Anger also has much to do with unmet expectations. When we choose to forgive our parents for ways they did not provide for us, we free ourselves towards health and healing; we stop waiting for parents or parent substitutes to come and fill us – and we start movement towards the unending love of God and the loving relationships we can begin to establish with ourselves and others.

• Refer to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist when the counselee has physical symptoms. Potential physical consequences of chronic anger include ulcers, skin rashes, headaches, muscle tension aches, teeth-grinding, clenched jaws, high blood pressure, depression, sleeplessness.
• Refer when the developmental roots and core of the anger remain undiscovered.
• Refer when, over time, the counselee is feeling more out of control and angry.
• If you detect that your own unresolved anger is hindering treatment, it is important to refer.