Guilt

Guilt can be an indicator to remind us of our personal responsibility for our unloving actions.

People who have no guilt – or have blunted out that indicator – may be considered sociopathic/antisocial. People in this category often feel no remorse for their actions and yet do not like to be caught in their actions. They often con others for personal profit or pleasure, not taking responsibility for financial obligations.

In the book of Romans we learn that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. This does not mean that we are released from all accountability for our actions, but rather that all of our actions, both loving and unloving, will be accounted for before God. Our sin must be paid for, and Christ has offered, through His perfection, to be our sacrifice and payment for each of our sins. As we learn in Bruce Narramore’s book, No Condemnation, God did not intend for us to beat ourselves up for our sins and punish ourselves over and over again. It is the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy – but Christ has come to give us abundant life. Who are we to take away the abundant grace and life that God has intended for us from the beginning?

It is important to understand that some people have an overactive sense of guilt. Although it is important for each of us to understand our own responsibility for our actions, self-punishment and self-condemnation are quite different. Often this self-condemning approach, feeling responsible for things we did not even do, stems from childhood abuse or from our constantly being manipulated through guilt by our parents. God does not manipulate us through guilt but invites us to freely take of His forgiveness and grace if we choose.

Children who are physically, sexually, or verbally abused often think “I am trash; I deserve to be abused” and they go through life experiencing false guilt and shame. For these people, you cannot just tell them to feel forgiven. Rather, it is important to give them the opportunity to work through the conflicts and patterns they have established since childhood.

• Refer if the counselee has physical symptoms (rashes, etc.)
• Refer if it seems like the counselee is experiencing an increasing level of self-condemnation, hopelessness, depression, or thoughts of suicide.
• It is important to refer if you find yourself trying to temporarily rid the counselee of his/her guilty feelings and self-condemnation by telling them to “just get over it” or “accept God’s forgiveness and memorize this verse…”
• It is important for the counselee to know that there are ways to learn how to be gentle and loving towards self and others, instead of feeling even more self-condemning for not yet knowing how to forgive him or herself.